4 years ago today my daughter was born.

4 years ago today my brain broke.

4 years ago today started my journey of pain.

4 years later? I’m okay.

  
I don’t think my time is over with the cycling, the pain. But I’m okay.

God made me like this and I’m glad because I have learned much about myself and how far I can be stretched. I learned about what a great fighter I am. I learned how strong I am.

Do I miss the old Jessica? Yup, I think about her from time to time….but no longer do I look at her as something I need achieve.

I’m okay being me.

Someone who feels too much.

Someone who hears voices sometimes (though I haven’t in a long time…just saying)

Someone who hurts deeply

Someone who’s completely inappropriate.

Someone who laughs at the wrong things.

Someone who still gets scared of the dark.

Someone who is not even accepted by her family (my diagnosis…not me)

Someone who tries to fight stigma as much as possible but hurts when she doesn’t 

Someone who knows that God made her like this and finally accepts that

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

   

  

You make beautiful things 

You make beautiful things out of dust

You make beautiful things 

You make beautiful things out of us

– Beautiful Things the Michael Gungor Band

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