I’m here ya know. Living my life, like I hope you are. Actually I hope you are doing it better than I am.

I am struggling. I put on this facade that I am just perfectly fine.

That I’ve got everything under control when it’s far from the truth.

I’ve got major control issues. I hafta show everyone I’m fine even when I’m not.

Sigh.

I’m supposed to be homeschooling the kids, but I can barely care enough to my eyes from my computer screen to recognize this need.

I excuse it, by rationalizing that “at least they’re watching educational TV” … Meanwhile my kids are probably so behind in crap it’s not even funny.

Granted they are only 2 & 4 but I had dreams of reading and writing by now.

No. I’m not kidding.

Ya know, I know I’m screwing them up because of my disease. I mean my son already has an anxiety disorder and he’s only 4!

…..

And I tell everyone I’m fine. Ha. If they only knew. I’m such a good faker man, I even believe it myself sometimes.

I’ve lost the purpose of this blog post and I wanna go have a good cry now.

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