***this posts a mess. You probably shouldn’t even read it***

As I lay in bed listening to Dora being played in the background – I felt it. Today was gonna be that day.

I felt the stinging grasp of an anxiety attack surround my throat. What did I think of? I wasn’t thinking of anything…was I?

I closed my eyes tightly and I started praying until I felt better.


My son kicked me while he played in my bed. It clicked that it was the second time he’s kicked me. And so came another anxiety attack.

What the crap, right?

I just stayed still and waited this out too. Praying of course. Then I didn’t want to have anymore so I got out of bed and started barking orders to the kids.

It stuck with me.

Today was not my best day.

I bought too much, I panicked too much, I snarked too much. I had a mini meltdown.

Right now I’m writing this half dressed in my bedroom. I can’t decide if I want to shower now or not.

This blog post which in my head was so poetic is turning into a mosh of words. Just like my brain feels.

I was doing so well….maybe that was just hypomania like I thought.

I did almost get a tattoo…what was I talking about?

Ugh. Sorry this posts a mess.

Gah. Today was bad.