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Got a hair cut too. Just this is a bad picture – didn’t feel like fixing it for ya. See how much I love you?

I dont know.

I think I’m in a mixed episode.

Definitely was hypo the other day. I almost threw myself out a moving car. Why? Cause I knew I could jump it to the grass.

I dont know.

Did I say it would make sense?

but today? I feel defeated? Maybe its because we went to Thanksgiving with the inlaws and the boy was sick as a dog. Now we are home and he is on antibiotics….that make him have diarrhea.

Okay.

Well, he had diarrhea once.

I’m still freaking out and feeling funky. Thank you the Crazy. I have a perfect idea on how to describe to a person what its like to live with the crazy.

Imagine you are standing up right now. now, imagine out of no where a 50 lb weight has been added on top of you. Now, try to walk. Wait stop, add about 3 kids dragging on each leg screaming on you. Now, go ahead walk. Now as you walk, a little person has decided to throw little bean bags at you, and each bean bag is written something that you hafta think about yourself: You suck, You’re fat, You’re ugly, You’ll never amount to nothing; etc.

AS you walk the little persons throws changes from throwing bean bags to stones and the messages are worse. I don’t use that kind of language.

Then enter in the people.

Your friends come to look at you: “Oh Jessica how are ya”

You open your mouth but nothing comes out. You try to scream but nothing comes out. Your friends just smile at you, laugh and continue to move on.

You come across your mother. “Oh Jessica you just need to pray more” Surely you can get your mother to hear you. But nothing comes out of your mouth. Then the person throwing stones at you stops and climbs up top. No longer can you ignore him. Cause now? He’s telling you the lies and hate. You start to believe the person cause its the only voice you can hear now. You can fight it – but its loud and annoying, and hurtful. A person would do anything to stop that craziness.

But I don’t…most times. God forgive me. But hey, I’m only human right?

We just gotta try to be better, through Gods grace I can get there. What about you?

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