I hate that I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.

I hate that when I hear a random voice, I hafta question it’s existence. Ya know sometimes that’s annoying to other people too.

I hate that after I wrote such a good post about Gods awesomeness I’m complaining. But I now understand that my God is big enough to hold my complaining.

God, why am I like this? I don’t want to hear random voices. I hate that I hear people calling my name when no one is there. I hate hearing women talking to my husband when there is none around. I don’t want to be paranoid and scared for no reason. I don’t want people – my friends – to scare me anymore. I don’t want to go out being scared that someone is gonna take the kids from me. I don’t want this pain in my heart when I go all weird and I scare the kids.

God why?

I know you’re there and I know You are handling this, this way for a certain reason. What reason though? Why did you hafta choose such isolating disease?

There is no one I can talk to about this. Lord why?

Why me?

Lord I love you more than anything, I sit here and I complain. It sucks being this isolated. But I reach out to you.