Before I start – called the doctor. Gotta wait til 9/16. I was told I would be put on a cancellation list. Which I am assuming is a list that if anyone cancels they’ll call me in. Not that “I wanna cancel my appt” list

I told this to my mom, she said “good. You dont need to see him. He’s just gonna fill you with more medicine.” My response? “Umm hello?! Are you kidding me? What if that happens when I’m here. Alone. With the KIDS?! how can you say that to me seriously?” Then she tried to go on about how I just needed to pray before that starts and that it wouldn’t happen again. 

“Dang ma. Why didn’t I think about that? Cause hello!? I did and I still went through those situations. I need to see a doctor.” FORGET THE FACT IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A SEIZURE AND ALL


I freaking can’t with the people I live with – but the best part is this; my PASTOR? Understands. His mother suffers from major depression. So he understands to a degree what mental illness is. But the people who apparently “love me” (IE: family) don’t. Totally seeing the love.

I’m on a rant and I’m sorry. Back to where I was.

I’ve seen so many people tout how they have the cure for bipolar and/or depression – even schizophrenia!

Praying and reaching out to God is a great help; in my opinion the only reason I am truly still here  – but along with faith in the Lord; ya need to take your medicine.

Depression? Never leaves. It will be a constant friend.

Bipolar? Might as well make a bed for him.

There are few things of in life that I am most certain of:

  • Jesus Christ rose from the dead so that I can live eternally
  • Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever
  • Jesus loves me and He most definitely loves you
  • God is first in my life always
  • My husband is the sexiest man alive
  • I love my kids with all my heart
  • its family – no matter what
  • I will always be a major nerd
  • Mental illness is a constant

Mental illness is a constant my ninjas. Once you have suffered through it – you will forever be changed by it. It will always be with you, even if its just a little villain – its still a villain that will always remain.

Don’t believe the lies these people are trying to sell ya – cause shoo – you know they are trying to sell ya crap. Trust in God (or whoever…but if you want my honest opinion God is the only one thats gonna get you through this horrible crap) and in your doctors.

P.S. – Gotta say you really haven’t felt crazy until you’ve heard you’re own voice coming out of the baby monitors. I wish the doctor could see me now.