I just had a really weird moment.

I was sh0wering when my mind was just racing. I was scared, angry, confused, afraid, frustrated .. Whatever you can think of. I felt all at once.

I turned off the shower and just broke down.

I felt the weight of everything.

My husbands two jobs.

Our seemingly mounting debt.

My overwhelming kids.

The homeschooling that is not going the way I thought it would.


I just cried.

Then I knew if I opened the door (I have a sh0wer stall/door/thingy) someone would kill me.

I cried more and prayed. God save me. Please slow my thoughts.

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t think.

Then the rage took over and I punched the wall; the awesomeosity of that feeling gave me enough clarity to get out.

I dried off and then everything was too loud. I put my hands over my ears and just cried and prayed.

God save me. God hold me. Please.

I couldn’t move. I clenched my eyes and stood centimeters from the wall.

I kept singing and praying and holding my ears.

I was so scared to remove my ears.

Then I thought, pillows.

Without removing my hands from my ears, I opened the door; climbed into bed and sandwiched my head in between two pillows.

Not enough as we live by an airport.

I ended up in my closet.

Weirdest moment. I’m frustrated times a million. What is wrong with me? Thing that frustrates me the most is if I tell any of my loved ones; oh you need to pray more or Jessica, you’re not having enough faith or my favorite yeah, I’ve gone through that too!

Will someone listen to me?!