I just had a really weird moment.
I was sh0wering when my mind was just racing. I was scared, angry, confused, afraid, frustrated .. Whatever you can think of. I felt all at once.
I turned off the shower and just broke down.
I felt the weight of everything.
My husbands two jobs.
Our seemingly mounting debt.
My overwhelming kids.
The homeschooling that is not going the way I thought it would.
I just cried.
Then I knew if I opened the door (I have a sh0wer stall/door/thingy) someone would kill me.
I cried more and prayed. God save me. Please slow my thoughts.
I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t think.
Then the rage took over and I punched the wall; the awesomeosity of that feeling gave me enough clarity to get out.
I dried off and then everything was too loud. I put my hands over my ears and just cried and prayed.
God save me. God hold me. Please.
I couldn’t move. I clenched my eyes and stood centimeters from the wall.
I kept singing and praying and holding my ears.
I was so scared to remove my ears.
Then I thought, pillows.
Without removing my hands from my ears, I opened the door; climbed into bed and sandwiched my head in between two pillows.
Not enough as we live by an airport.
I ended up in my closet.
Weirdest moment. I’m frustrated times a million. What is wrong with me? Thing that frustrates me the most is if I tell any of my loved ones; oh you need to pray more or Jessica, you’re not having enough faith or my favorite yeah, I’ve gone through that too!
Will someone listen to me?!