Today…..was weird.

I was that mom.

I was calm.

I was happy.

I was playing with my kids, imagining the cake and the coffee by the loads being served in the cafe.

the three of us squeezing onto my sons little bean bag (as daddy napped), watching the rain fall just outside the door.

I was a mom again.

Not the troll who hides behind the computer screen or phone because the real world is too much.

Not the screaming banshee because life is not going according to plan.

I was mom.

Then we went to Walmart and then the crazy peered over into my happy little world; stirred its long tendrils in my brain and said “enough with the happy”.

Everyone in the parking lot was out to get me and the kids.

My husband had walked to far away from us.

I was a target for the attackers.

My hands started to tighten their grasp around the shopping cart.

I couldn’t breathe.

I prayed.

I held in the panic.

I called out to the Lord.

The crazy pulled back a little but I still felt it pushing against my mind. Like a fan blade spinning around and around; the crazy kept hitting my brain.

But I held on to the Lord and my happy day.

We got home and I went back into troll mode, I fought to get back into that mom – but she was gone. I saw the disappointment in my sons eyes.

Hopefully she comes back tomorrow kids.