Today just sucks.

The girl has a runny nose.

I am in pain from – what I hope is – an infected hair follicle. I did a search on what it could be…

A- an infected hair follicle

B- a boil (which is gross sounding but it seems like basically the same thing)

me and the husband last year....doing something
me and the husband last year….doing something

or

D-I have Diabeetus.

So of course……..I have diabeeetus and am fat and gross and should die.

Did I mention that I just can’t shake this evil magenta trying to sneak its way in? Its creeping ever so closer, pushing ever so harder on the door to my brain but I’m pushing back.

I’m tryin, but I ain’t no supergirl.

Man, I used to love that song.

knock, knock, knock suhckah.

GAH!

Why can’t I be normal? Heh. Like that’s a real thing.

Hi I’m NormalTotally reminds me of that episode of Spongebob Squarepants.

I wish I could say my kids were into that show……

Hi, I’m Normal. Not fun or exciting, just normal.

 

But seriously….someone commented and asked me that question. Why?

Why am I like this?

Well, I don’t know.

And it hurts to not know sometimes. Yes, I do know I had the “epiphionic” (wait is that a word?) moment when I said I understood why God has allowed me to go through this hell…..but still there are many and I mean MANY times I ask God “why”.

God in His mercy is showing me slowly but surely “Why” but still it hurts.

It hurts when my kids need their momma and sometimes I cringe when they touch me.

IT hurts when they call for their mommy at night and there are times I roll my eyes before I go.

It hurts when my husband wants to talk to me and I can’t stand the sound of his voice.

Its not fair they have me in their life, so I ask God constantly “Why”.

Yes I was still recently diagnosed and I am still working with my doctor on the right dose of medicine – but when will I be better?

When will I stop asking why?

When will I stop trying to do things on my own and really rely on the Lord?

Psalm 34:15

New King James Version (NKJV)

15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.

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