A source of comfort. A source of pain.

Today it’s been a source of pain. Just got a lot of information about how bad my grandmas (I only have a Grandma surviving for each parent) are really doing.

They’ve lived long happy lives – one is 80, the other is 81. To me they seem to be too young to be going through this.

My 80 year old grandma is losing her memory. It’s so bad she has forgotten people; my 81 year old Grandma has Parkinson’s. Her case has gotten so bad she can barely walk.

Oh my heart can’t take anymore. I can’t deal, I don’t want to deal.

Can I just crawl into bed and just make believe none of this is real?