So I had this ham in my fridge and I thought: boom, I’ll make a ham and cheese for lunch.

Okay, I didn’t really say “boom”, but shoosh, roll with me here.

I had made an awesome ham and cheese on a tortilla and thought: check me out I’m being healthy and no one told me to do this. Shoo, I deserve an award.

Well. As soon as I finished eating something wasn’t right. I felt funny. I shrugged it off and took advantage of the fact that everyone in the house was napping and took a nap myself.

I woke up feeling better and proceeded to wake everyone up at the right time. My husband worked the night before, so he was the first to wake up. I usually snuggle with him for a few minutes before my double creature feature arises.

As I was laying down – I started getting cramps. As in those cramps you get when you ate something funny. Ahem.

I go to the bathroom and welp, I’ll just leave the rest to your imagination. I just don’t want to put those words on here as I know it could attract some really weird peoples.


I go and get the kiddos and boom. Again.

I crawl back into bed with my still sleeping husband and have this conversation:

Me: baby, I think I’m dying.

The husband: *yawns, half opens one eye* hmm?

Me: I’m dying baby (this time I lay my body on him so he wakes up and pays attention) I think my mom gave me the stomach flu that’s been going around church. I knew we were gonna get it.

The husband: *clears his throat as if he’s gonna say something profound* wha?

Me: I know we didn’t actually see each other this week; but we talked over the phone. She gave it to me over the phone baby. I gotta stay away from the kids.

((We both giggle at my comments))

Me: but seriously, I ate some ham that made my stomach churn and gave me the runs.

The husband: sorry baby finally some sympathy right?!

Me: can you rub me baby?

The husband: Jessica, the kids are awake.

Me: dang dude. You have a one track mind. My stomach hurts suhckah. Rub my BELLY.

Wha? Stop looking at me like that. I have no idea where the girl gets her dramaticalness from.