Well after a lovely and truly absolutely delicious meal thanksgiving night, we headed back home.

As I am awesome – of course I have an interesting story for ya.

After my daughter headbutted me and I ended up with a huge welt on my forehead – we said our goodbyes and headed on our way. While on the way to the highway, my daughter did this weird scream which made me jolt on my car chair and there by incapacitating my knee.

I would show you my knee – but I don’t wanna. Would hurt the pity part of my story.

Well, we get on the highway – Benadryl-less. My husband didn’t feel right about drugging up the kids so we can have a quiet ride so they could get the rest they needed; so we headed out on a prayer.

The girl was out cold the whole ride.

My son on the other hand? Slept for about 30 minutes and cried for the remainder of the ride.

No, no, no, no, no.

Screamed and whined for the whole ride. He screamed that when we got home he did not want to watch charwie (good luck Charlie on Disney channel) and Cosby (well if you don’t know what that is, you are obviously not cool & don’t know about the awesome 1990s Cosby show.)

Might I just add here, we used to watch these shows, when monkey was younger, to get out of the monotony of the mind dulling shows like: the wiggles or super why. then just one day he literally woke up and said out of the blue: “no Cosby”

Poor Bill. He apparently has lost his childhood appeal. What shall he do with all his millions and millions? Wait. He’s still alive right? I’m not making fun of someone who’s dead am I?

Anyways, back to our awesome adventure. We spent the rest of the trip trying desperately to ignore him and also – marveling at the fact that my daughter literally slept through ALL of his screaming and galavanting and whatever other word makes me sound so smart.

We get home and the girl wakes up as the boy finally falls asleep.

Always right?

We take them inside the boy freaks out cause he doesn’t want to be home; but of course changes his mind when he sees his train sets.

The day starts to go on and my son starts to act weirder. I took his temp. 102.7 – then it hit me. Not only has he barely eaten, he’s barely drank the whole time we were gone. So I try to get him to drink. nothing seemed to work.

I gave him medicine to bring down his temp and He starts to knock out.

I put him down for a nap and of course i begin to freak the he*k out.

My husband ever so calmly is like: he’s just dehydrated. Don’t worry about it.

Um, gee thanks. Why didn’t I think of that?

Then my mom came over (I got monkey to ask her to come, sneaky I know, but I thought if anyone could get some liquids into that kid she could). Thank God it worked. He had two icees and started drinking juice after.

So the day goes on. Lemme just squeeze in here, my daughter happened to (in a pissed off fit) pinch the he*k outta my face and scratch my face too AND tried to rearrange the bones in my foot too. Yeah. Totally feeling the love from her.

Not such an exciting day right? Sheesh. I told my husband that: one. I am never taking my kids to a thing like monkey joes again. That cesspool of filth is most probably where my son got his third world plague.

Not saying I’m fitting him or the girl for plastic bubbles YET. I mean, I’d prefer to know what illness my child is gonna get. So it’s nice to know the parents ya know? So I can call them up and be all like: ” hi how are ya? Yea? That’s nice, so listen your boy spread his nasty diseased germs on my boy. What were those germs? cause now my boy is sick. Do I need to take him to the doctor? Or just let things play out?”

Yeah. I’m not a nut job at all.

And two? Long car trips? ha. Traveling by car is no longer allowed. Unless I got a plane ticket in my hand I ain’t going no where’s. so sorry people. You try a 10+ hour trip with those two monsters. Or at least pay for me to get some mighty fine **cough to cover up what I’m saying** drugs or alcohol.

Alrighty then. So after all the “excitement” of today, the husband and I are gonna relax and watch Avengers. Which point in fact, according to my husband, we are the last two people in America who hasn’t seen it.

So apparently it’s our duty or whatever. Insert huge eye roll here.