Many times I’ll say tongue-in-cheek “yeah I’m crazy”….granted most people believe it, but I don’t. I’m sarcastic awesomeness ya know.

Most times I don’t believe I’m crazy….most times.

Sometimes though – I just don’t know.

Like when I’m in a hypo manic episode and I want to go horseback riding (i dont know how to ride a horse) or when I’m depressed and all I want to do is watch doctor who and eat peanut butter panic ice cream.

Or when my OCD gets me going and I can’t fathom leaving the house cause people might make me sick. Yeah….going through that now.

But really the biggest one is when I can’t tell what’s real. Now, I’m not talking hallucinations. I’m talking about the fact that i have such vivid dreams I can’t tell you if it really happened or if it was a dream.

I have literally woken up wondering: “did I really do that today?”

I hate that. Makes me not want to sleep does that make me sound as crazy as I think it does?

i hate it especially when I have a bad dream. It takes me way too long to figure out if I really hurt anyone.

I hate being crazy.

Advertisements