So, had the sonogram.
Hurt like anything. Had my eyes closed most of the time…clenched really. I think I had a spanish inquisition torturer instead of a technician.
I tried asking the technician questions. But she was very tight lipped. Made the whole situation very odd. Like come on lady, you have your hand almost all the way up my whoo-ha w a fallic shaped doodad. Can you at least try to make me feel a little less violated?
It was so very…ugh. My brain is shot from all the pain. Insert your own joke here. Wha? I can’t do all the work.
So, of what I remember from high school nursing? It looks like a cyst – though I could have been looking at my bladder.
That last sentence was weird.
So. Now we wait. Oh, wait. Heard back from the doctor about the blood tests. No internal bleeding & no baby.
So, NOW we wait.
I keep picturing the worst. I started freaking out & was like holy crap. What if I have cancer? What if I’m dying? I can’t leave my babies alone.
But then it hit me. I gotta trust God. I gotta put this in His hands. I’m running blind. But He’s got a hold of us and He knows what’s best.
See, I know that – but it’s hard to hold onto that. I try to hold onto that. It’s so much easier said than done. God help me. But I will get through this. I got this weird peace.
Yeah, I freak out.
Yeah, I’ve been getting major anxiety attacks. But I’m not perfect, I’m gonna fail. I’m just gonna hold onto God. I’m gonna hold onto my little peace of faith.