I thought I was getting out of this funk.
But nope. Just sunk myself deeper.
Thing that sucks the most is, I’m not sure how I did it.
Its still not the soul sucking funk at least. I started to feel myself slip into the soul sucking funk at church. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to people, I kept picturing people rejecting me, cause ya know – I’m crazy. So I sat down and watched my husband play with the boy. All I wanted to do was scream out and cry. So I prayed. Really hard that God would help me.
And He did.
A woman I rarely talk to just came over and started talking with me. It was such a blessing.
I still am very funkilicious, but at least I don’t think I’m alone and everyone hates me anymore.
I hate my funk. Its very sneaky. While everyone elses funk makes them feel sad (seems such a lame word for what hell we go through. I’ll use otherworldly)? I feel nothing.
Not empty. Not sad, not happy. Just nothing. I can get happy, I can get really happy. But it never lasts. This nothing feeling always comes back. And with a vengeance sometimes. Sometimes I get otherworldly, sometimes I get so otherworldly I want to die.
Getting used to this disease is hard. But I’m getting used to it. Unfortunately. God. I forgot where I was going with this so…bye.