been quiet here the past coupla days……been struggling with the funk part of my crazy. Thats what I call the down. the depression.
I just want to scream.
I hate my life.
I hate that my husband literally said the words to me last night: “You are the only person who thinks you have this disease.” And was serious. He was talking about my bipolar y’all. Just had to make that clear cause I know there are dumb people out there. Case in point? My husband.
God, I love my husband more than anything and he has said some really dumb things to me – but this just takes the cake.
See, all my life – I’ve done what people told me. Up to and including the beginning of my marriage. I’ve always gone with the flow. Now that I am starting to actually listen to God and myself? People are saying I’m fighting against God. That I am not trusting God.
Please, please please….someone explain to me how in God’s green earth that works. How me trusting God and relying harder on God is not trusting God.
Cause I’m still not sure.
Anyhow, we are moving. We live in an apartment building now. I call it the crack den. I hate it here. I seriously think its become a drug den. We move Saturday. I’m freaking times a thousand. I literally can’t handle the move. Like people are asking me what to do, and I look at them like they are talking to me in french.
God, I miss my brain function. It better come back after this move.
We are moving to a townhome & the husband still works overnight. So you know what that means? Yeah….my paranoia and anxiety is going through the roof. At least in an apartment, people weren’t sure which apartment we lived in. Now? They are gonna know. They are gonna know everything.
Cause you know, people are gonna be staring & stalking us and watching every single thing we do…cause we are that freaking awesome.
See? At least I know I be crazy.