Sneaky, sneaky mommy

So in facebook I came across this link about the latest text acronyms teens are using now.  If you have teens ….or not just a good and interesting read from Cool Mom Tech.

Anyways, me suffering from …. well me, I had all these thoughts when my kids ran into the kitchen where I was reading facebook working hard on my writing career. When demands for an apple snack wafted through my consciousness and brought me back to reality; I looked down at them;

Kids: APPLE! Mommy Apple please!

Me: Okay guys real quick, look at me. (Silence) Promise me that you will never ever text in your life. Okay? Promise?

Kids: OKAY!!

 

Boom.

Parenting.

Thats how its done.

Jessica Photos 2014 146

I’m me

I’ve been going through this hellish ride of ups and downs for two years now and I’m tired.

Don’t worry I’m not suicidal.

I’m just tired.

I’m tired of the rage, the fighting, the fear, the worry.

I’m tired of all this crap.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the overstimulation.

I’m tired of not being able to enjoy my family.

I’m tired.

God help me please, I can’t do this anymore.

It’s sticky

Our dinner conversation:

Husband: so I think we should go to beach instead
Me: I think –
The boy: it’s no halp! Get the boat!
Me: don’t play with your food honey. What was I saying?
Husband: about the beach
Me: oh yeah, I think
The girl (who’s 2 going on 22): hey mommy do you think is sticky?
Me: ….

blarg

my ears hurt.

My hair keeps pulling on the earrings and ugh.

Sorry thought you should know.

I’ve been in a funk and havent done much of anything and I hate that. I guess this counselling thing is gonna take longer for me to study for than I thought.

humph.

I hate when I plan to do stuff and this disease just rattles it all. But I wont give up!

Thats the thing ninjas. You cant give up.

For some of us things maybe harder to do than others, but ya just gotta keep trying. The moment you give up – you let your disease own you and you can’t.

So I’m gonna keep studying to be a counselor and push NETFLIX away until after I do at least one lesson. ;) I gotta reward my depressed but somehow.

And you? Don’t give up on your awesome life. Its worth it – I’m sure of it.

anyways. I cant write too much. I hurt my wrist, so love you guys! Sorry I havent written  but like I said hurt my wrist. Ok. Better stop writing now.

 

 

If you have a moment, please click on over here to donate toward my walk fund or come on over & check out & purchase something from my store or click on the picture at the top of my sidebar to make a donation towards my AFSP walk fund.

Please help save a life.

Hi

Been a day.

Hope yours was better.

I got my ears pierced again. They hurt now. I just cleaned them and spent 20 mins trying to figure out if my chubby hands turned the suckers or not.

I’ve been sitting with this 12 ton rock on my chest. I read an article about postpartum depression and psychosis. I don’t have the link if not I would share it here (it was on the ny times at least). But anyways, it saddened me. It’s the 12 ton rock on chest.

God I know you want me to do something but what?

I was ready to run out and call the local hospital to start up training the nurses to screen for PMADs.

I was ready to start a bill for maternal mental health – then I remember how that turned out. Shoo I was ready to chg the world.

I need to do something.

I know, I know, I’m studying to be a counselor….but is that enough? Is that it? Or is there more?

This is it

medal_of_honor_pendant-ra0febb8d3434460089be8cd0065025b9_fkoei_8byvr_324So y’all know how I am such a fighter for advocacy and all that.

Ya know how I’ve been searching and waiting for the Lord to show me what He wants me to do with all this knowledge I’ve accumilated right?

Welp. I’m gonna become a counselor!!!

I found a program thats really great and I can do from home.

Dude y’all. I am so excited.

Its Biblical counselling so I wont be doing major stuff like psychiatry – but maybe one day working up to that.

For now, I know this is where God wants me and I feel such a peace about it.

And excitement. Did I mention the excitement?

I’m trying to keep the thoughts of grandeur in check – but man I have so many ideas. This training I’m taking leads to official counselor type certification so I can take on serious cases and work in a pdoc office…..I think. Note to self must research NANC certification.

Ah!

See? Too hyped up. I’ve just did the first lesson and already I’m picturing opening up my own office. Sheesh. Need to calm down.

But I can’t because I finally know what to do with my life.

 

 

If you have a moment, please click on over here to donate toward my walk fund or come on over & check out & purchase something from my store or click on the picture at the top of my sidebar to make a donation towards my AFSP walk fund.

Please help save a life.

It’s just too much

Sometimes it’s just too much.

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Fighting everyday top just get out of bed.

Fighting to eat.

Fighting to play with my kids.

Fighting to get out the house.

Shoo….Fighting just to care about anything.

It’s just too much. I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep.

Of course I get the occasional hypomanic episode and I’m giddy. Like yesterday….I was literally karate kicking the air. Cause I could apparently….even I don’t know understand me.

But I don’t give up. I can’t. I won’t. My kids need me and my husband needs me. I keep fighting no matter how hard it is because I know that this magenta fog will not last forever and I will feel like me again.

Ninja, please remember that too, your magenta fog will not last forever. You will get through this by God’s grace you will and I will. Don’t give up, giving up is so not a ninja move.

Ya know

Ya know when you have the “so called” perfect life?

Where you married the man of your dreams – there couldn’t be anyone more perfect for you and love you as much.

Where you have as many kids as you always wanted – one boy and one girl who adore you.

It’s okay to not be okay.

Ya know when your life ain’t that perfect?

Where everything you hafta struggle for – three jobs just ain’t enough.

Where your significant other has forgotten that your alive – you’re thinking of leaving.

Where your kids are the bane of your existence – you’re embarrassed to say your the parent.

It’s okay to not be okay.

GOD is waiting with open arms to hold you until you can fight.

Don’t give up my ninja, you are a mighty fierce fighter and you can get through this.

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If you’re new to my blog, I call all mental illness sufferers ninjas. We fight a battle everyday that no one can see….we fight in the dark…..and sometimes we fight dirty.

Anything to wake up the next day.

Don’t forget what an awesome ninja you are my friend,


If you have a moment, please click on over here to donate toward my walk fund or come on over & check out & purchase something from my store or click on the picture at the top of my sidebar to make a donation towards my AFSP walk fund.

Please help save a life.

It creeps up

It’s creeps up on ya doesn’t it? That’s what sucks so much about it. Like the overnight freeze that grasps at your spine late at night, so comes the evil magentas.

Some of us get warning signs….crashing from a manic high…certain body aches…but mostly it just creeps up on ya.

That’s the evil suckah alright.

You’re sitting there just living your life and being happy when boom your picturing the worst.

I hate it. Why can’t it be nicer? Like Suzanne Somers? I assume she’s nice only because she’s got this great diet I’m on.

Sigh

I don’t know the purpose of this post….just to say depression sucks.