Bedside manner

so my daughter was playing doctor when she comes over to me to give me a check up. Now I’m laying down in bed rather cranky and magenta-y from an argument the mister and I just had. 

So she crawls up into bed next to me and whilst doing so….she punches me in the head. “OW!” I said ready to get mad….her response?

There…there ya go.

Yeah she made me forget that funky feeling for a bit. 

Weird

so I’m in bed chillaxing while my hubby is sleeping next to me. I’m minding my own beeswax when my the husband pulls a Ray Barone and screams out

No I don’t want any spinach!

I laughed, which woke him and he asked what happened. I told him and explained I would be blogging about this, normally that would garner a whine from him but he just turned his head on his pillow. I thought wow, he has finally accepted his fate. Then he started,

Huh? What happened? Huh? What happened.

He really woke up this time … Apparently. 

So again I told him what happened and told him about my blog entry. His response?

Nah, I didn’t do that. Psh. Nah. I didn’t.

Yeah we roll mature style here

Normalish

so after those couple of weeks of being in mixed state and having some deep & baaaad depressive episodes – I got the help I needed and got my  meds upped. I’m feeling good.

In fact today we went to the mall and baby girl had major meltdowns and I handled them just fine. I didn’t go all evil and I didn’t freak out or whatever.

Win win.

I was emotionally drained afterward but hey my daughter wasn’t afraid of me. She was just throwing a tantrum for 20 mins….then I sat in something wet and grossed myself out and had to drag a screaming toddler and oblivious preschooler to Lane Bryant. My husband was in GameStop…of course. So anyways.

I survived and thrived. I’m doing good thank God!

Now it’s back to kicking butts and taking names

Say what?

We were out to eat when my husband reprimanded my son for playing with his cup. Ya know those things are so flimsy one time baby girl put her finger through one….but that’s besides the point.

The husband reprimands the boy and baby girl asked him very plainly:

What seems to be the problem?

I can’t with this girl

You are loved

****might be a triggering post to some****




something happened yesterday that brought this to mind for me. We struggle daily with our diseases, wonder why we hafta struggle, struggle for answers, even fight to stay alive. But some of us lose that struggle. We look down the alleyway and see no other recourse but to end their pain. This is for you. Don’t look down that alleyway, don’t listen to that voice that says you are alone and that no one loves you. You are loved.

You are loved greatly and immensely by your creator. God. You are loved by me and your friends. You are loved by your family (whoever you consider family), you are loved.



Don’t give up. Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Don’t keep those feelings bottled up, it’ll only hurt you. Seek help, be open to someone about your pain. There are people who care.

Pastor.

Psychiatrist.

Friend.

Or even me.

We all care.

It’s okay that your hurting, it’s okay that you are having thoughts, it’s not okay to keep that to yourself. Talk about it. Let someone know how you are hurting before something horrible happens.

You are too precious to lose.

I don’t care anymore

been fighting off a mixed episode lately. Just when I get enough gumption to do something, I don’t care anymore. Case in point this blog post……I hate this. 

I don’t even know what I want to say. Sigh.

So I’ve been meaning to write an advocate post, but I’m just ….. Well you know. Sigh. I can’t even finish this post. I wanna go cry now…..

Bipolar and me

So, I’ve been riding the high train for the past couple days and couldn’t sit long enough to poop. Okay that’s a lie but ya know I’m going for emphasis here.

Anyways, as I was flying high I kept seeing two articles popping up; about what a great thing it is to have a mental illness or whatever. I can’t really remember exact titles or exactly what they said but I do know what my family feels.

Maybe those people didn’t have families or maybe they did and just have had their illnesses for a long while. Maybe their illnesses were not as serious as bipolar, maybe they were worse. I don’t know I don’t know, nor do I care. What I care about is the fact is that they were published in big ways and seen by people who may not be ready to hear that. I know if I was fragile enough that type of knowledge would crush me.

People need to hear that what they are feeling is what is important. Mental illness, like any illness, sucks. And it’s okay to say it sucks …… Cause man does it SUCK! It’s a hard road that we have been given and to coat it with flowers and sunshine is just not fair to others around you who are suffering. It’s a slap in their face even.

Think about it, your hand is cut off. Would you go around saying that was a blessing? No! You would scream that life is unfair, deal with it as best you can and move on, always hampered by your missing hand. Or you can go Luke Skywalkers route and get a mechanical one….but we are going down another rabbit hole.

Those writers….I don’t know the articles, sorry….wherever they were in their lives. Good for them, but they weren’t being good advocates. No. They weren’t being advocates at all, they were just thinking of themselves. I apologize on behalf of them and want to tell y’all:

it’s okay to hate your disease.

It’s okay to not be okay once in a while. Just pick yourself up and try again.

You are not alone, I’m here to hold your hand and help you along the way friend.

Of all the things

So yesterday my brother came over and brought me coffee. He asked me of course what I wanted (coffee wise, other ways it woulda been a long call); I forgot to tell him decaf.

Yeah. I drank a little to be polite…like this much

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And then boom the hypo high hit. I quit drinking and told him what happened and he helped me flush the coffee out of my system but the hypo is here to stay.

Guh.

My mind won’t stop racing, I took my meds last night and was able to get some sleep but not a lot.

Wait wait wait.

I was talking to my brother and I kept getting stuck on a word. Has that happened to you? It kept happening it was so annoying! It’s happened before I can’t remember if I was hypo or not.

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Another thing my body keeps tensing up. This is new…could I still have too much caffeine in my body? Or could it be the mania/hypo whatever.

Ok…I don’t remember what else I wanted to say and I gotta call my endocrinologist cause he didn’t give me enough meds this time around. I hate when doctors don’t do what you want, oh I love this song

Keys

So this morning I had to run out and get blood work done. Real quick, last night it rained ice; so this morning my car was covered in….you guessed it…ice.

Shocking I know.

Anyways, my car keys are on the same ring as my house keys. So I went out for a minute to warm up the car and ran back in. As I was leaving (my mom was with the kids), i asked my mom to lock up and then I had a horrifying thought:

What did I do with my house keys?

Were they in my pocket?

Were they in my purse?

Lord, please let them be in my purse.

Oh my gosh, what if I lost my keys?

How could I lose my keys?

I bet they’re in my purse

Please God let them be in my purse

As I rounded the corner of my parked car a picture came to mind. My car keys and my house keys…..in the ignition of my car.

You’d think I’d be embarrassed…no. My next thought was “oh thank God

I’m so awesome.

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